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The INFJ Social Survival Guide

infj self-help Apr 13, 2024

INFJs are truly a paradox. We love people and we want to help them, but they truly exhaust us. 

In addition, social situations can cause us massive anxiety and worry. We worry that we will say or do the wrong thing. And we also worry that those we interact with will be unfair, rude, or otherwise disappoint us (but that’s a topic for another time).

But back to the main topic of this blog.

As INFJs, how can we begin to survive and thrive in social situations? 

Here are 5 ways:

  1. Use that awesome INFJ imagination to your advantage. About 10 years ago I picked up an old school self-help book called ​Psycho-Cybernetics.​ In that book the author said to imagine your success before you take action. Imagine it fully, the environment – the visuals, the smells, the sounds…the feel of success. I have since done this before any social activity, and it has helped me immensely. Imagine success, and it is more likely to come to pass.
  2. Some occasions are just not for us INFJs. The truth is you have the right to set firm boundaries and let the authentic “you” shine. That means that if someone asks you to go to a super social event and you don’t want to go – you should be honest say that it’s just not your bag. If the person we are interacting with really likes us they will meet us on (at least somewhat) more common ground. If they don’t like us that much – well, maybe they aren’t the friend for us.
  3. There is no shame in bailing. This ties in with point number 2. If you are feeling weird at an event, and you aren’t having a good time – don’t be afraid to consider leaving. It is your right to leave, and you have a right to dislike an event or a social occasion. You aren’t a loser, and you aren’t a weirdo. You just don’t like that particular social event, and you have a right to your opinion.
  4. You are GREAT at socializing. INFJs are great at socializing, despite the fact that it drains them immensely. So, don’t forget how good you are at being social! That should give you confidence. I have found that others do tend to reject us if we go too deep too fast in conversation, so be aware of that. That means not sharing too much with those who don’t deserve your insight. At a social event I try to keep the conversation light (which unfortunately also makes it a bit boring) and I try to focus on the other person. Remember, only a select few deserve your deep insights. 
  5. Recharge, recharge, recharge. After you get back from the event give yourself guilt free time to recharge. I think us INFJs need to realize the true extent that we are drained by social activity. I would like to announce right now that after an INFJ gets back from a super social event they officially qualify as “sick”. You actually need to rest in order to survive mentally and physically. I’d also love for you to consider not beating yourself up about your lack of productivity during this time. Please rest, it’s imperative if we want to keep our INFJ sanity!

I hope these 5 tips help you to survive social situations better! They certainly have helped me. 

Also, be aware that any links are Amazon Affiliate links and the proceeds go to support me and my work. 

Stay strong, and I’ll talk to you again next week!

nil desperandum


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